Why the fuck am I in the bathroom

If you’re given gifts
By some god
On the throne
What will you do?

The ordinary man takes the ordinary step
The god
On the throne
Wants to know if you’re ordinary

Bow on the bath mat!
Use the handle to flush!
Make a votive from toilet paper tubes!


The god
On the throne
Will now speak:

“You can be stuck in your own ass
and ‘tis easily forgiven,
Butt lo, I say unto you:
The sin is to be stuck in someone else’s ass
That is unforgivable.”

The god
On the throne
Looked down kindly
Closing the petition with the traditional refrain, “This is a place of business,”
Switching off the bathroom fan and lights
Leaving us looking at ourselves in a dark mirror
Reflecting a dark room
Bleached and porcelained


You’ve met me somewhere in Montreal. Perhaps I took your picture! Please send me a message to say hi, or get a copy.

Vous m’avez rencontré quelque part à Montréal. Peut-être que j’ai pris ta photo ! Veuillez m’envoyer un message pour me dire bonjour ou en obtenir une copie.